It won’t make sense. It’s not supposed to. Sometimes a heart just needs to bleed words somewhere to get rid of what is clogging its soul. Real healing only happens when those feelings need to be released. It may take forever or it may take only an hour.
“There is always counseling.” They said. He replied, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Then he stepped outside and lit another cigarette.
Later that night, he went home and sat by the bed-staring at her, she had become such a useless waste-a broken china doll. This version of her was uninteresting. And he could care less. He thought about the leer jet again, the vacations, the experiences, his future career…he did not have time for this, for her. Maybe she did need some form of therapy, but it wasn’t going to be his problem soon enough. He had thought it through…by forcing her to be the one to file he wouldn’t be the blame for that failure either-it would be her fault. He was going to move on and accomplish all of his goals like the savage he was. He had succeeded in his destruction-it was his calculated payback for her not loving him the way he believed she should have. A soul-less 13 year marriage, filled with disaster and devoid of empathy from the start. At least it was almost over. He lit another cigarette and sucked in the cool night air…she was always ruining his plans. He should be in Las Vegas right now sitting at a machine next to his mom betting his $1 for the hopes of winning $1,000. She managed to ruin that too with her antics. It was always her needs before his. It was never about his needs. She was so selfish and he was sick of it. How long was she going to cry about it? She needed to just move on already and find something else to waste her sad, pathetic emotions on. It was over alright, and he had no feelings of guilt or remorse.
She’d be alright she told herself. It happened, life goes on. We all go on. She was tired of crying about it and she knew he was tired of her crying about it too. His last statement of, “That figures.” vibrated in her soul at a depth only a madman would dare to swim at. Maybe he never actually loved her. She wondered if it had been an act all along. At least it had started to seem that way. She wondered many things now, if you are crying and someone can just easily fall asleep next you without a care in the world about your hurt…what kind of savage are they? She did not care much for what happened, but how he responded was far worse. What sort of man sits idly by while his wife falls apart? Yeah, she was hurt alright, but she was tough. She carried within her the heart of a fighter. She was going to bounce back. He was a chapter worth closing-one she would never revisit again. She would start writing her own stories-ones that no longer contained him. She would build her own kingdom. The kind of kingdom she had once encouraged him to create. She remembered how strong she was before he came along. It was not that she loved him so much that she broke, it was that she loved him so little that she broke from the settling.